hi.hello. what's up blog? I am feeling wierd. Had a crazy 8am panic attack-shot straight up in bed feeling scared. Maybe I had a bad dream/?
Going to the doc next week cuz I need my yearly lady biz checked so Im gonna see whats up? Maybe I drink too much coffees?
Anyway, I had a pretty good bite last nite. I changed my hair colour. Can't wait for the Sunnybrook Xmas party!
ok,bye. Im boring.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
hi blog!
I made a really delicious dinner tonite of brown rice & black beans. Then I discovered the joy of putting unsweetened vanilla almond milk in my coffee & everything exploded into an ambrosia of taste in my mouth!
Now Im watching Big Bang Theory on my little tiny computer & eating stove popped popcorn. I like myself.
Im also wearing an outfit consisting entirely of Hello Kitty flannel clothing, I look pretty sharp.
What else can I say about myself? Narcissistic is my favourite.
The garbage guy at work today gave me a teddy bear holding a heart, one time in the summer he said I looked sexy then backtracked & didn't talk to me for a month. We're cool again now.
I like being friends with wierd fellas over 40, it gives me high self esteem. Bahaha. Im funny.
OK,good nite!
Now Im watching Big Bang Theory on my little tiny computer & eating stove popped popcorn. I like myself.
Im also wearing an outfit consisting entirely of Hello Kitty flannel clothing, I look pretty sharp.
What else can I say about myself? Narcissistic is my favourite.
The garbage guy at work today gave me a teddy bear holding a heart, one time in the summer he said I looked sexy then backtracked & didn't talk to me for a month. We're cool again now.
I like being friends with wierd fellas over 40, it gives me high self esteem. Bahaha. Im funny.
OK,good nite!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Welcome to my Anxiety......
Or "How I Overcame Anxiety but still Hate Christmas..."
I have pretty bad anxiety,man. To be honest I really don't talk about it much & if I do I make it a joke (this commercial is gonna give me a panic attack!) but yeah,anxiety isn't fun.
I have maybe only fully talked about it with Kim & I tried to with Leah but all I could say "you know when someone surprises you & you feel terrified for a second? I always feel that terrified. On the streetcar, in the shower,having a smoke on the front porch."
I had my first panic attack when I was 16 & it was pretty bad for about a year. I never told my mom or anything, I just smoked pounds of weed because it chilled me out and had tons of sex with my high school boyfriend before we ate a large pizza & then I'd pretty much be able to sleep. The smoking dope started to actually trigger anxiety attacks in me & after I kinda freaked out one too many times I quit cold turkey when I was 20.
Sleeping time is a hard one for me. If any of you are ever lucky enough to share a bed with me I will literally talk yr ear off until you ass out cold while I ramble on. When I had bad panic attacks it was usually before falling asleep.
I guess over the years I've just come to realize what my "triggers" are and basically just try to avoid the things that may push me into a full blown panic attack (which,by the way, is fucken awful. I don't if you've ever had one but they suck,dude.)
I guess "talking about my anxiety" falls under the category of triggers so that's why I don't get into it too much.
Also, folks always always always say the same thing to me "You're the most well rounded together person" so it's kinda hard to be like "really? cuz I feel like Im having a heart attack most of the time & I can't really watch fantasy movies cuz they make me hyperventilate for no good reason.".
So here's what you should do if yr me & you having general anxiety about everything in the whole world. these tips are not healthy or recommended but they work for me:
-pretend you don't have anxiety
-don't talk about the things that give you a panic attack. If people around you start talking about things that make yr heart race or feel like yr pass out,change the subject. If they fail to jump on to yr train of thought,joke about having a panic attack then keep steering the conversation back to bunnies or potato chips or whatever makes you more comfortable.
-Drink booze. Drink lots of it. Like buckets of alcohol so you are more fun & people are easier to be around. Don't need an intervention or anything but definitely get drunk alot.
Most of that stuff was sarcastic (in case yr mentally retarded) but true in my case.
Anyway, Christmastime probably causes me the most anxiety & depression & panic. It's my 2nd biggest trigger but it's kinda hard to avoid it.
I'll post more about why I hate Christmas but for now I need to go watch Blind Date & play Nature Park on my cell phone.
I have pretty bad anxiety,man. To be honest I really don't talk about it much & if I do I make it a joke (this commercial is gonna give me a panic attack!) but yeah,anxiety isn't fun.
I have maybe only fully talked about it with Kim & I tried to with Leah but all I could say "you know when someone surprises you & you feel terrified for a second? I always feel that terrified. On the streetcar, in the shower,having a smoke on the front porch."
I had my first panic attack when I was 16 & it was pretty bad for about a year. I never told my mom or anything, I just smoked pounds of weed because it chilled me out and had tons of sex with my high school boyfriend before we ate a large pizza & then I'd pretty much be able to sleep. The smoking dope started to actually trigger anxiety attacks in me & after I kinda freaked out one too many times I quit cold turkey when I was 20.
Sleeping time is a hard one for me. If any of you are ever lucky enough to share a bed with me I will literally talk yr ear off until you ass out cold while I ramble on. When I had bad panic attacks it was usually before falling asleep.
I guess over the years I've just come to realize what my "triggers" are and basically just try to avoid the things that may push me into a full blown panic attack (which,by the way, is fucken awful. I don't if you've ever had one but they suck,dude.)
I guess "talking about my anxiety" falls under the category of triggers so that's why I don't get into it too much.
Also, folks always always always say the same thing to me "You're the most well rounded together person" so it's kinda hard to be like "really? cuz I feel like Im having a heart attack most of the time & I can't really watch fantasy movies cuz they make me hyperventilate for no good reason.".
So here's what you should do if yr me & you having general anxiety about everything in the whole world. these tips are not healthy or recommended but they work for me:
-pretend you don't have anxiety
-don't talk about the things that give you a panic attack. If people around you start talking about things that make yr heart race or feel like yr pass out,change the subject. If they fail to jump on to yr train of thought,joke about having a panic attack then keep steering the conversation back to bunnies or potato chips or whatever makes you more comfortable.
-Drink booze. Drink lots of it. Like buckets of alcohol so you are more fun & people are easier to be around. Don't need an intervention or anything but definitely get drunk alot.
Most of that stuff was sarcastic (in case yr mentally retarded) but true in my case.
Anyway, Christmastime probably causes me the most anxiety & depression & panic. It's my 2nd biggest trigger but it's kinda hard to avoid it.
I'll post more about why I hate Christmas but for now I need to go watch Blind Date & play Nature Park on my cell phone.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Happy Birthday to ME!
Aw, M&TK came over tonite & we drank the rest of the beers. Something in my left side right above my belt hurts. It hurts often,could it be my liver? I hope not. I know I drink too much,tho.
That is a really sad picture of me when my tooth got an abcess in the summer. Haha, it was Pride weekend & I went out anyways with my gay boys, SB did some foreign drugs & stuff got really funny. As per usual,I just wanted to keep drinking but all he could do was wear sunglasses & almost get in the cab.
I really want to stop eating meat in a serious way,it's making me feel pretty gross. Like,how sad!
I love the Steve Wilkos show, its the pinnacle of trashy TV,so great. What is also great is Sour Cream & Bacon chips-Meaghan brought me some & now I'm eating them like a before video in The Biggest Loser-what a great show,huh?
Anyway, I'm tired & kinda drunk & relishing in my new feelings acquisition "jealousy" so I'm gonna take my Hello Kitty flannel pyjama pants to bed.
They're playing that reggae song "Maxine" or whatever downstairs & I'm getting riled over the abusive relationship on Steve Wilkos.
Good nite-I love you all!
Oh yeah-it's a snow storm outside & I feel like I lost a friend over something awkward & I wish that wasn't true.............
That is a really sad picture of me when my tooth got an abcess in the summer. Haha, it was Pride weekend & I went out anyways with my gay boys, SB did some foreign drugs & stuff got really funny. As per usual,I just wanted to keep drinking but all he could do was wear sunglasses & almost get in the cab.
I really want to stop eating meat in a serious way,it's making me feel pretty gross. Like,how sad!
I love the Steve Wilkos show, its the pinnacle of trashy TV,so great. What is also great is Sour Cream & Bacon chips-Meaghan brought me some & now I'm eating them like a before video in The Biggest Loser-what a great show,huh?
Anyway, I'm tired & kinda drunk & relishing in my new feelings acquisition "jealousy" so I'm gonna take my Hello Kitty flannel pyjama pants to bed.
They're playing that reggae song "Maxine" or whatever downstairs & I'm getting riled over the abusive relationship on Steve Wilkos.
Good nite-I love you all!
Oh yeah-it's a snow storm outside & I feel like I lost a friend over something awkward & I wish that wasn't true.............
Monday, December 7, 2009
Hi blog! I'm sorry I abandoned you for so long! It was my fault-I'm a jerk. I'd like to rekindle our relationship. In fact, I'd like to make it stronger even.But really, what is new? I don't even know! It's my birthday tomoro so that's pretty cool.
I'm drinking a beer & playing on my new little Notebook tiny laptop computer guy.
I pretty much went to the cabin all the summer & drank beers,caught frogs,cleaned a fish,read sex books from the '60s & partied down.
I played guitar for a long time tonite but Im still too scared to play in front of anyone-I don't know how SB & I are gonna go on our World Tour if I'm too scared to throw out a coupla G's &D's now and again.
I wonder what else I should say?
I work 10-6 now so I'm pretty much a boring loser who watches TV all nite now. I pretty much love Law & Order now. It was on twice tonite. Also, I like watching Biggest Loser & also Criminal Minds.
Oh! And I like to watch Cold Case the best because there is always a musical montage at the end in slow motion that kills me.
OK, that's all. From this day forward, I promise to be a better blog maker. OK?!?!
bye.
xo
Saturday, April 4, 2009
next confession
when I get drunk-I watch Youtube videos made of songs from P.S I Love You & want to cry a bit. I think it's my crush of Gerard Butler & my narcissitic tendencies all bundling up together with my need to get laid.
Either way-Steve Earle & The Pogues do a damn fine job of making me want a loyal husband who will die young & love me from beyond.
Up next:this wknd @ Bob's weed bday & my new apt-THRILLING.
Either way-Steve Earle & The Pogues do a damn fine job of making me want a loyal husband who will die young & love me from beyond.
Up next:this wknd @ Bob's weed bday & my new apt-THRILLING.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Also, this:
God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across point champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad I was trying to remember your name…
From that song I posted earlier. I think that is a super first verse of a song.
haha-that's what's gonna happen once I break up with my summer boyfriend.....
Next up: hair extensions,bikini waxes & martinis. I am the new Carrie Bradshaw.
I try for this girl shit all the time but it usually ends up in oven burns on my arms, stains on my sheets & 3 day old coffee cups on my computer desk.
I'm done blogging now, I only amuse myself. ;)
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across point champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad I was trying to remember your name…
From that song I posted earlier. I think that is a super first verse of a song.
haha-that's what's gonna happen once I break up with my summer boyfriend.....
Next up: hair extensions,bikini waxes & martinis. I am the new Carrie Bradshaw.
I try for this girl shit all the time but it usually ends up in oven burns on my arms, stains on my sheets & 3 day old coffee cups on my computer desk.
I'm done blogging now, I only amuse myself. ;)
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