I have pretty bad anxiety,man. To be honest I really don't talk about it much & if I do I make it a joke (this commercial is gonna give me a panic attack!) but yeah,anxiety isn't fun.
I have maybe only fully talked about it with Kim & I tried to with Leah but all I could say "you know when someone surprises you & you feel terrified for a second? I always feel that terrified. On the streetcar, in the shower,having a smoke on the front porch."
I had my first panic attack when I was 16 & it was pretty bad for about a year. I never told my mom or anything, I just smoked pounds of weed because it chilled me out and had tons of sex with my high school boyfriend before we ate a large pizza & then I'd pretty much be able to sleep. The smoking dope started to actually trigger anxiety attacks in me & after I kinda freaked out one too many times I quit cold turkey when I was 20.
Sleeping time is a hard one for me. If any of you are ever lucky enough to share a bed with me I will literally talk yr ear off until you ass out cold while I ramble on. When I had bad panic attacks it was usually before falling asleep.
I guess over the years I've just come to realize what my "triggers" are and basically just try to avoid the things that may push me into a full blown panic attack (which,by the way, is fucken awful. I don't if you've ever had one but they suck,dude.)
I guess "talking about my anxiety" falls under the category of triggers so that's why I don't get into it too much.
Also, folks always always always say the same thing to me "You're the most well rounded together person" so it's kinda hard to be like "really? cuz I feel like Im having a heart attack most of the time & I can't really watch fantasy movies cuz they make me hyperventilate for no good reason.".
So here's what you should do if yr me & you having general anxiety about everything in the whole world. these tips are not healthy or recommended but they work for me:
-pretend you don't have anxiety
-don't talk about the things that give you a panic attack. If people around you start talking about things that make yr heart race or feel like yr pass out,change the subject. If they fail to jump on to yr train of thought,joke about having a panic attack then keep steering the conversation back to bunnies or potato chips or whatever makes you more comfortable.
-Drink booze. Drink lots of it. Like buckets of alcohol so you are more fun & people are easier to be around. Don't need an intervention or anything but definitely get drunk alot.
Most of that stuff was sarcastic (in case yr mentally retarded) but true in my case.
Anyway, Christmastime probably causes me the most anxiety & depression & panic. It's my 2nd biggest trigger but it's kinda hard to avoid it.
I'll post more about why I hate Christmas but for now I need to go watch Blind Date & play Nature Park on my cell phone.
I hate it when conversations give me anxiety. That's when I stop listening and start focusing on smoking another cigarette or talking about how I don't want to talk about socks anymore. Or we can say "this is boring" and go talk in the other room. I knew I liked you for a reason.
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